I’m drowning, and you’re standing three feet away screaming “learn how to swim” (c.j.)

I am sick. And sometimes it is hard for me to admit that I am. It’s not the kind of sickness that goes away in a week or two. I have been fighting this sickness for years. It’s a battle I’m fighting within myself.

I let people bring me down because it’s the way I feel about myself. I let people I loved deeply tell me that I am not worth fighting for. I let people tell me that I am a bad person. I let people tell me that I never change. The real joke is on these people because (surprise!) I already feel this way about myself.

Next time you try and bring me down realize that these words go through my head everyday. Realize that these are the words I hear when I’m by myself at night trying to make this pain go away all on my own. Realize that you are only feeding my sickness. Realize that if you ever loved me you wouldn’t say these things at all.

These are people you don’t need in your life. I would rather drown on my own than have someone hold my head under water until I can’t breathe anymore. Realize I hate myself more than you could ever hate me. 

B.G. 

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