Moving Forward

I recently joined a group for people with anxiety and depression and today the administrator asked “How are you doing today?” And the majority of the answers talked about all the stuff that they have going through their mind and another half said “its really sad that a stranger in a group asked me if I was okay today before my own friends and family”. That answer really stuck to me.

I myself feel like a broken record lately. I keep making mistake after mistake and after drinking way too much for my own good yesterday I made a big one. And I hurt and scared people that I love more than anything in the entire world. I don’t know why I do what I do anymore. I feel completely trapped in my own head sometimes with no escape. I feel completely psychotic sometimes and I feel bad for the people who have to deal with me on a daily basis. 

Over the past few weeks my close friends and family have been checking on me and asking if I was feeling okay, have I been sleeping, did you schedule a doctors appointment? And I was kind of annoyed. And I told someone I was annoyed and she said “oooo darn people care about you”. And people like her really keep me in check. Not everyone has that in their life and it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about. It broke my heart when I read that a stranger asked someone if they were okay before their own friends and family. 

I know I’m probably not the best person to talk to. I can’t even take my own advice, but if anyone ever needs someone to listen I’ll lend my ear. I don’t have much to say, but I can say I’ve been there and we’ll get through this together because we are not alone. 

I’m seriously greatful for the people I have in my life because without them I wouldn’t be able to pull myself together time and time again. I love you all so much.

B.G. 

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