Missing You

Today is one of the reasons I hate March the most. Two years ago I had to say my final goodbye to one of my best friends. I can’t remember much about that day besides the fact that you didn’t look like yourself and my mom literally had to pull me away from you at the end.

Over the past few weeks I haven’t been able to sleep that well and I’ve been trying to remember good memories with you and I’m finding it really hard. You were my friend much longer than anything else, so why can’t I remember a majority of the moments we shared together? What I came up with is that when people hurt me I tend to only associate the person with the bad memory. I think my mind tries to block out the good things. It’s my one major flaw. Once people hurt me or leave I have a hard time letting them back in. 

But here are the few good memories and moments that I was able to pull out of my mind:

You never failed to embarrass me because you couldn’t control yourself in public 

That time you swore Monica Lewinsky was an answer during the picture trivia round and everyone thought you were nuts

That time you saved my Taco Bell receipt because you found it hilarious that I only spent $3

Your disgusting food obsessions (taco pizza)

Those horrendous group chats you would send to people asking them to go to Taco Bell (you never put me in them because you said I would kill you)

That time you knocked down the sign in seasonal with a bouncy ball and it came crashing down and you ran

How you always told me you hated my music because you thought they all sounded like music in car commercials and your music was way superior 

When we would split a brownie sundae at Hobby Horse (I still can’t walk in there)

How you never told me what you got at Wal Mart that one time but you claimed it was super cool

That whenever you heard certain songs you would say “I’m adding that to my list!” and you never told me what it was for 

The summer bunny count from when you would ride your bike home from work

The notes you would leave me at the register

You let me embarrass you at prom with my dancing 

Thats all I can remember right now, but its more than enough. I miss you every single day and I wish you were still here to make me smile when I needed it the most. And I wish that we could have been your reason to smile and keep going. Rest easy, Nolan.



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