Mental health is something that goes unnoticed. I’ve suffered with depression since I was a freshman in high school. I tried everything to fit in and to do the things that everyone else was doing. Almost seven years later and I’m still doing the same thing. Every day I wake up wishing that I hadn’t. I go to school, I go to work, I try to hangout with my friends as much as I can and that still isn’t enough.
Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I tried to do something to better myself. It isn’t okay to feel that way. It isn’t okay to cut yourself because it focuses the pain onto something else even just for a second. It isn’t okay to sleep your day away because you don’t feel the desire to live. I finally decided to see a doctor and she wanted me to go to hospital because of all this stuff I was telling her.
I went home kind of annoyed that she thought I needed to stay in a hospital, but then I started talking to my friends and they urged me to do something to better myself. I’ve made excuses for months on why I wouldn’t go to a doctor or go to a therapist and they straight up told me that they don’t really believe me anymore and that I need help. So, one of my best friends and her wife picked me up and took me to the hospital. I was scared, but I knew it was something that I needed to do. Not just for me, but for my friends and my family.
I was at the hospital for about five or six hours until late last night talking to a lot of different doctors who asked me a bunch of questions. They asked me if I ever wanted to hurt myself. Yes. They asked me if I ever cut myself. Yes. They asked me if I ever thought of a plan. No. They asked me what my trigger point was. I don’t really know. They asked me if I ever planned to hurt anyone else. No. They asked my friend is she thought that I was a complete risk to myself. No.
After being there a long time they decided I didn’t really need to stay in the hospital if that was okay with me. The doctors there were really helpful and gave me a lot of insight on all the things I could do and all the places that could help me. The point of me sharing this is that its okay to ask for help sometimes. I’m so used to taking care of myself all the time that I never let anyone else help.
I’m thankful for all my friends who help me get through the hard days in life, which feel more often than not. I’m thankful for my brother who constantly urges me to better myself, and I even thank the person who gave up on me because they are making me a stronger person every single day. And while these people are helping me they are also going through their own struggles and they’re honestly superheroes to me.
It’s okay to not be okay.